Sarah DrouillardEducational Assistant PVNCCDSB
Sarah's Story :
The day I found out I was pregnant with my daughter Hannah was one of the most amazing days of my life. My husband and I had just gotten married in June, and by the end of July we found out the good news. Being an educational assistant, I work with children everyday and the thought of having my own child was breathtaking. Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be a mother.
Complications in my pregnancy caused by preeclampsia were affecting Hannah’s growth. Within three weeks of my diagnosis I developed HELLP syndrome, a life threatening condition in which the only treatment is delivery of the baby. At 29 weeks Hannah was born via emergency c-section at Mount Sinai Hospital. She was a tiny 2 pounds 4 ounces, but seemed healthy and strong.
Because of her gestational age and size, Hannah’s lungs were not as strong as they should have been. Over the course of the next two days she suffered two pulmonary hemorrhages, the second one from which she would not recover. My husband and I held her and kissed her sweet face as she passed, and the trajectory of our lives changed forever.
Losing a child is a pain unlike anything else I can possibly imagine, and I would be lying if I said the road to healing has been an easy one. Grief is a fickle and frustrating thing to navigate. It is not linear; it is a rollercoaster of emotions and feelings that demand to be felt. But it is not impossible, though there have been days when it has felt that way.
Along my journey of grief I have met some incredible people in this wonderfully supportive community. I have been introduced to some amazing organizations that have been vital in my journey, namely the Peterborough Butterfly Run. A team in Hannah’s honour was created and we have been overwhelmed with support from family and friends who have joined us to raise money for the organization, and to honour Hannah’s short but sweet life.
My journey is far from over, and I will never be able to fill the hole in my heart that Hannah left. But every single day I will choose to continue to, not just survive, but thrive and make the most of life. Although she is not here physically, Hannah is always with me. She will always be my baby and I will always be her mother.